somewhere down the line i will look at this... and not be ashamed of what my thoughts were conceiving at this moment but be glad that i wrote this in the present to reflect on my fututre...i know this is pretty much a private log....i dont have to dig a whole in the ground and write myself to the future in some capusle type thing. no no no this is alex polvorosa righting my self to the future in the present time stating,,,, hey man weve been working on it for while for now.....i cant say things will work out....as i know both of us already know it was worth a shot but it didnt get us both here....im sorry..........i control everything and anything that had shaped you into the person who you are today as of right now....theres somethings that i wont let go....i wont let go to of them because im now really afraid of death...im scared of that next point in our lives that we both now is coming sooner or later. I much would rather stay in a dream like state and have no control than be in this conscience state and have to wait go in back n that careless state where anything amd everything happpens execpt what i want to happen...i dnt know what i truely want to do. its not that hard to figure out that i dont want to do anything...a slow death just makes me tear up...the things i wanted to do in the past and the things i want to do now are the same things i want to do in the future, i cry instead, and wait to dream....dreams where nothing matters...dreams that only dream of what they want to dream...i wish too much,,,wishfull thinking....wish fulll dreaming,......get over it alex
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